Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
