I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
