if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
