He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
