remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
