Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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