belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
