Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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