You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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