I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
