Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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