You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
