P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
