I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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