there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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