You really coming over, don't trick.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My bed smells like the plague
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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