Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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