He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
