Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
