he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
