It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Where is the hickey?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
