I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
