there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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