If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
