im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
