I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
