Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
