He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
