Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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