Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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