i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize