I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
And then he peed in my hair
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