I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i drank out of a bidet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
