Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
