remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
