Yo dont text me then not text me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
