Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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