why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
