evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
