this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
