I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
