When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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