Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
