bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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