she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
