there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
