I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
