nutella sex= disaster
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
