I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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