hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
