weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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